Sleaze

I crave sleaze. I want to see people in compromising positions. I want to be compromised. I want to feel shame. Alas I am too conventional to put myself in compromising situations. But I am willing if the chance presents itself.

Gray

Tonight I hate myself. I’m no good at being good and I suck at being bad. I’m just a big gray stain.

Afraid Of Who I Am

So I am moving to the wilderness? Why? Many complicated reasons. But mostly I think I am running from temptation. There’s a big part of me that wants to break free from this predictable, monotonous life and live on the edge. Moving to the middle of nowhere removes all these temptations from me. Maybe I’ll become a better person. Or maybe I’ll go nuts. I just know I’m not functioning well in my current situation.

So goodbye Amy, goodbye Linda and Elena, goodbye Finn and Hannah and Kat. Goodbye lust and impure thoughts. Goodbye kink and self-discovery. Hello trees and lake and fresh air. Hello nature and wholesomeness and family values.

Wake Me Up

I’ve been feeling awful the last three days, tired and rundown and icky. Don’t know if it’s depression, allergies, sickness, or just exhaustion. Feel like I’m observing life, not participating in it. Afraid I won’t feel better until spring.